Wednesday, July 31, 2013
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Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
you you you you usually but occasionally...
Yah know sometimes I think people forget that I'm not just "weird happy alise." Sometimes people don't understand that just because I smile all the time doesn't mean I'm happy all the time. I don't really tell everyone about the things that really go on in my life. In fact, only about 2 people other than my family really know what's going on. And I think only one of them really understands whats going on. The other think that just because I'm able to smile and laugh about it it's ok. I'm not saying my life is more horrible than others out there, because it's not. I guess I'm just sick of people talking about themselves and the drama that THEIR friends that THEY chose. Sure, I have never had a boyfriend but that doesn't mean that my life is awesome.
Part of me thinks its my fault. For not allowing them to see through my facade but part of me thinks its their fault for not asking me "dude, are you really ok?" or "How was your day?" Instead they just kinda default into complaining about their "horrible" lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, I don't secretly cut, and I don't plan to, but who's to say shit won't change? Who's to say that my lack of support won't drive me to that edge?
Another thing they assume is that I can't handle shit. I'm usually the last person to hear about stuff in my friend group and it pisses me off that I'm not just the person who doesn't lean on people, I'm also the person who isn't leaned on. I'm just the... entertainment. I'm the happy one everyone loves but no one really is close with. Granted their are people in my friends group who are an exception to some of this, but I don't have one friend who is an exception to all of it.
The only exception to this is when people want advice. I try to be really open-minded about stuff and about the fact that what I know may not be the whole story. So even though I don't have experience in those social situations, I'm still able to conjure well-thought advice. At least this is the conclusion I've come to as to why people ask me shit all the time. So if your reading this feel free to comment and ask me for stuff.
Back to the beginning point: I smile all the time and I try my hardest to make people laugh and bring a lighter side to things. I hide what I'm feeling because I don't want to "start drama" and smile through it. I try to be a great friend even though I know people take advantage to that. The sad part? I often let them. My friend once stole my phone because she was talking to her damn boyfriend. and no, she didn't tell me she had it. After 2 weeks, HER MOTHER finally gave it back to me. My friend lied to me and took advantage of me. The sad part? She's still my best friend. Anpother time I invited a friend over to my house and she started using my ipod to talk to one person, then she started using my laptop to skype her damn boyfriend. You know what I did that night? Nothing but lie on the floor because she took up my whole bed. She barely even talked to me. Actually now that i think about it, that has happened multiple times. Just because someone says it's okay doesn't mean that they actually mean it, they're just trying not to be a bitch.
Sometimes I really just wish i could cry about it all but no matter how hard I try, no tears come out. I just sit in my bedroom alone, pondering whether I actually have friends or if I'm just someone they keep around for a good laugh and whatever it is they need.
If you feel like you have no one to go to, comment. talk to me. hell I'll give you my email or fb or whatever. I don't care who you are or what you did, I'll be there for you.
Love,
Alise
P.S. the title of this is lyrics to a Toby Keith song. Just in case you were wondering why I chose them.
Part of me thinks its my fault. For not allowing them to see through my facade but part of me thinks its their fault for not asking me "dude, are you really ok?" or "How was your day?" Instead they just kinda default into complaining about their "horrible" lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, I don't secretly cut, and I don't plan to, but who's to say shit won't change? Who's to say that my lack of support won't drive me to that edge?
Another thing they assume is that I can't handle shit. I'm usually the last person to hear about stuff in my friend group and it pisses me off that I'm not just the person who doesn't lean on people, I'm also the person who isn't leaned on. I'm just the... entertainment. I'm the happy one everyone loves but no one really is close with. Granted their are people in my friends group who are an exception to some of this, but I don't have one friend who is an exception to all of it.
The only exception to this is when people want advice. I try to be really open-minded about stuff and about the fact that what I know may not be the whole story. So even though I don't have experience in those social situations, I'm still able to conjure well-thought advice. At least this is the conclusion I've come to as to why people ask me shit all the time. So if your reading this feel free to comment and ask me for stuff.
Back to the beginning point: I smile all the time and I try my hardest to make people laugh and bring a lighter side to things. I hide what I'm feeling because I don't want to "start drama" and smile through it. I try to be a great friend even though I know people take advantage to that. The sad part? I often let them. My friend once stole my phone because she was talking to her damn boyfriend. and no, she didn't tell me she had it. After 2 weeks, HER MOTHER finally gave it back to me. My friend lied to me and took advantage of me. The sad part? She's still my best friend. Anpother time I invited a friend over to my house and she started using my ipod to talk to one person, then she started using my laptop to skype her damn boyfriend. You know what I did that night? Nothing but lie on the floor because she took up my whole bed. She barely even talked to me. Actually now that i think about it, that has happened multiple times. Just because someone says it's okay doesn't mean that they actually mean it, they're just trying not to be a bitch.
Sometimes I really just wish i could cry about it all but no matter how hard I try, no tears come out. I just sit in my bedroom alone, pondering whether I actually have friends or if I'm just someone they keep around for a good laugh and whatever it is they need.
If you feel like you have no one to go to, comment. talk to me. hell I'll give you my email or fb or whatever. I don't care who you are or what you did, I'll be there for you.
Love,
Alise
P.S. the title of this is lyrics to a Toby Keith song. Just in case you were wondering why I chose them.
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| Here's our Pic of the Post: Alone in the crowd. |
Thursday, July 4, 2013
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